Want to Marry a Korean? Here’s 7 Things You Should Know! – Seoulistic

Want to Marry a Korean? Here’s 7 Things You Should Know!

So without him knowing it, you’ve been planning on marrying G-dragon for a whole year now. And in your stalker mind, you’ve even dreamed up your own wedding! Well if it ever becomes a reality, make sure you know what’s expected of you if you’re marrying a Korean! (Weirdo :P)

Note: This is a list of common expectations for when Koreans marry other Koreans. But of course if you’re a non-Korean, you will become a multicultural family, and that means your Korean lover and his/her family will have to adjust to you as well. So not all may apply.

1. You’ll Need Mommy and Daddy’s Permission
Son, don’t you be marrying no crazies!”

So you’ve been dating that Korean for a while now and you’ve even got the whole Korean style proposal thing done. The girl’s got the ring and the boy’s got the swag. Congratulations! But it aiin’t official yet. Although getting married is about love, in Korea, many people also see marriage as a union of two families. And that means most marriage plans are on hold until the scary moment when both sides of the family meet. The families of the potential bride and groom will get together for an official dinner at a nice restaurant to make sure no one’s getting married to a family of crazies. And even if it’s a real life Korean drama love story full of childhood first kisses, life threatening diseases and sacrificial eye transplants, if the parents say no, then the wedding might not happen. (Of course, people sometimes go ahead and do it anyway. :P)

2. Parents will Pick up the Tab
“Daddy, Can you buy me a wedding?”

Weddings are expensive ordeals in any part of the world, and people everywhere don’t hesitate to spend butt loads of money on that one special day. And of course, weddings can be very expensive in Korea too. But if you’re still at the bottom working your way up to the top manager position at the local McDonalds, don’t worry too much. In Korea, most young people are broke too. That’s why most families will pay for their share of the wedding costs. That means most brides and grooms in Korea will not pay for the wedding themselves, but their families (parents) will. Korean parents see marrying off their children as their very last duty as a parent. Goodbye, so long, fare thee well young child. It’s a crazy butt load of money (see #3), but they’ll get it back. Big time (see #7).

3. Splitting Wedding Costs is Crazy Complicated
Or just avoid by marrying a Samsung heir

Wedding costs are always tricky arrangements for any marriage, and that’s why most families will figure out things amongst themselves (i.e. if one family is richer than the other, they may offer to cover more of the costs). So if you somehow convinced the heir to the Samsung empire to marry you, you’ll most likely get the most bomb wedding ever for basically just being an awesome husband or wife. For the rest of the not-so-lucky 99.999941%, many Korean families will split marriage costs like this:

Groom Side Bride Side
Wedding Ceremony (50%) Wedding Ceremony (50%)
Honeymoon (50%) Honeymoon (50%)
Apartment/Housing – the home itself (100%) Furnishings like furniture, appliances, etc. (100%)
Yemul (예물) – Wedding gift for the bride Yedan (예단) – Wedding gift for the groom’s family

Splitting wedding costs can be crazy complicated and that’s why we need the scientific chart above. It’s easy enough to see the wedding ceremony and honeymoon are usually split down the middle. But the groom’s side typically provides the payment for the home/apartment, and the bride’s side usually provides all the furnishings inside the home. Fair and simple enough to follow right?

Ok, now see if you can follow this! The gifts involved might be the cultural part you might not have known about. Yemul (예물) comes from an old tradition of giving a bridge wedding gifts of red and blue yarn. Unfortunately for modern day cash-strapped grooms, that usually translates to a matching jewelry set: diamond ring, earring and necklace (or other jewelry). But brides return the favor with yedan (예단), a gift for the groom’s family, typically a cash gift that equals 10% of the housing costs as well as gifts for the family such as nice silverware, bags, jackets, etc.

Of course, none of this is set in stone as it’s different for every marriage (especially true for multi-cultural marriages!). This one you’ll have to talk out with your future Korean spouse/in-laws.

4. You Might Not Get that Cool Korean Name You’ve Always Wanted
Unofficial ones are still gravy tho 😛

In many places in the world, it’s common for the bride to take the groom’s family name. Ms. Smith becomes Mrs. Johnson in many places everyday. But if you’ve ever made up a Korean name for yourself because you think they just sound so darn cool, your dream of having an official Korean name might not come true. In Korea, brides keep their family names, even after getting married. That means even if Seonmi Choi marries Kyungsu Park, she will still keep the name her daddy gave her, Choi. But if you’re kind of creepily obsessed with having an Korean name, there’s no law against it. You can still do it at city hall. 🙂

5. Holidays Might mean Work (for Women)
Follow orders from bossy Korean aunts

Now that you’re married to the love of your life, you’ll probably be spending time with his family on the big national holidays. And the two big ones out of the year, Chuseok (추석) and Seollal (설날), are typically when families gather with their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents, the whole shebang with lots of people and lots of food. But in most Korean families, women are in the kitchen all day to prepare the food. If you’re a woman that’s married into a Korean man’s family, don’t worry too much. It’s usually pretty fun to talk with the other ladies of the family while preparing the food. And even if you don’t have any idea how to do anything, there’s usually a bossy aunt in every family that takes over the kitchen like she’s running an army.

Tip: For Koreans, a new female family member not helping out in the kitchen isn’t always the best. So even if you’re all thumbs when it comes to cooking, try to offer your help (if you’re trying to get on their good side!).

6. New Years Mean Less Money
In exchange for hardcore bowing

Just like in many Asian countries, New Years in Korea (Seollal – 설날) is a time for little kids to receive cash envelopes from their elders to bring to school and compare with everyone how much they got. If you’re Asian, you know how awesome it feels to have envelopes piling up in your back pocket. But for all you non-Asians out there that’s never experienced counting that stash of New Years money in some corner when no one’s looking, sorry to say that you’ll only be counting the money you’re giving out. That’s because if you’re married into a Korean family, that means you’re part of the adult side. And even though you’ve never received money as child, you’ll be expected to give money to your own kids, as well as your nieces and nephews. At least they give you a hardcore New Years bow in return.

7. You Might Have to Live with Parents (Again)
Korean mama food

You thought it was over when you moved out didn’t you? Well remember when your Korean in-laws paid for all your crazy wedding expenses that almost mortgaged the house? Well they’re old and retired now. And for Korean families with more traditional values, many sons and/or daughters will invite their parents to live with them when they reach an elderly age. Although this is a changing trend in Korea, and many Korean families just tend to get the elderly parents their own home/apartment nearby (if they can afford it), if the Korean family that you married into has more traditional values, you might have to live with the in-laws for a while, which is not necessarily a bad thing. You’ll get real Korean mama food and a someone to help take care of the kids, too :).

To learn more about dating and marriage in Korea, check out our ebook:
How to Navigate Korea’s Unique Dating Culture: The Must-Have Guide for Successful Relationships

If you’re going to a Korean wedding, here’s the gifts you should give:
Korean Culture Says Buy These Gifts!

Keith
Keith
Keith Kim is a Korean-American who has been living in Korea for almost a decade. Being in a unique position as both a Korean and a non-Korean, he's put all his experience and knowledge for surviving in Korea in Survival Korean . Read it to learn how you can survive in Korea. Follow him on Facebook, YouTube, and Instagram.

277 Comments

  1. Marisa says:

    Wow! It’s almost the same with Indonesian culture! Especially number 1,2 and 7~

  2. sarah t says:

    I’m always curious what is meant when people say “koreans see it as 2 families joining” through their son/daughters marriage. What does this mean? Is it meaning their blood line? their….? What are they joining?
    Whenever my korean girl friends got married, they always complained that they never saw their families on holidays and always had to husbands side…in addition weekends were also often taken up by husband’s side family activities & events. In america, it is usually equally split and/or often times the two families often do JOIN together for holidays, events, backyard bbq’s, etc.

    • luvely004 says:

      2 families meet means after marriage both families become one.. Now they are real relatives. nd after marriage aS GIRLS LIVE WITH HER HUSBAND ALONG WITH husband’s family,so she cant get much time to meet her own familY..this tradition is same in india too.I guess in whole ASIA..:)

  3. future wife says:

    Hahhahaha marry g dragon!! Lol!!!!!!

  4. Chantal says:

    Interesting! My family is from Congo and the meeting of the families (long process), wedding gifts, parents paying, then parents coming to live with you is very common. Also the woman retains her last name and spends most of her time with the grooms family…unless they live far far away. Cultures can seem so different, but be very similar sometimes.

  5. gs says:

    I am not lucky enough my girlfriend family are poor
    no need to marry

  6. Tryon says:

    Awesome and fabulous information 🙂 Thank you Keith ssi, Kyeung Eun ssi, TTMIK

  7. hekita says:

    gs — 화이팅!!!!

  8. Ann says:

    So much shade in this article. Tips + subtle insults smh

  9. TK says:

    Haha.
    Hardcore Bowing. ㅋㅋㅋ

  10. Batur says:

    These are nearly the same with Turkish culture. Interesting

  11. Badriah says:

    Just same as Saudi Arabian wedding , and all Arabs country we still keep our family name and don’t follow the groom family name .

  12. Vanessa says:

    Great post! Something else that surprised me about Korean weddings is that you invite EVERYONE, and everyone is basically required to attend… and give you at least 50,000won ($50) each. We went to my boss’s wedding, and all of our coworkers went… in fact, we were told, “Your job might depend on it.” haha. And to get into the wedding itself, you had to give 50,000won in an envelope with your name on it and then you could enter the wedding site. There were like 400 people at the wedding and most didn’t even see the ceremony, they just were in the lobby and then went to eat food at the buffet. haha

  13. rina says:

    Its NOT only Indonesia or saudi arabia, there are many
    countries who are the same in some of the 6 things that they said here.
    There are other asian countries where its quite the same ,
    like or example Thailand, same there!

  14. Karin says:

    Cool post, funny comments, love the GD shoutout. Love the style its written in. Feel like I got the info from a cool onni. =)

  15. Von Nola says:

    Good post and interesting.

  16. kim says:

    But the grom can keep their names as well rigth? I don’t whant to be named kim kim lol

  17. nabi says:

    Ahh i love this article really informative..
    Haha how you know I waned to Mary jiyongie (GD) jk^_>

  18. shwetha says:

    it nice to read. wish i could marry one korean awwwwwwwwwwwwww:)

  19. ylrem28 says:

    Your comment..i wish i could marry 1 korean….

  20. GIM says:

    I would love to marry a Korean, especially one that looks like one of the young ladies that appear in the K-dramas. It is my wife who objects. My daughter would be willing to go along it with as long as she has the money to finish college next year. My son is totally opposed. He still has three years of law school to finish, and a Korean step-mother, even one who looks like Yoon Eun Hye, would deflect me from giving him the support he thinks he deserves.

    I don’t think you can help me, so I am not asking. But having read your article, I think that I would go for it in a different universe.

  21. Andrew says:

    Unless you will be living far from your bride’s / groom’s family… think twice about marrying a Korean. They will never accept a foreigner into their family. You will get lots of smiles and kind gestures when you are around… and backstabbing nasty comments about you as soon as you aren’t around. No matter how much you love your other half.. your marriage will always suffer at the hands of the family. And never ever ever get tangled into the family business.. Korean culture is fun on TV, fun while dating, fun while on vacation, but a complete pain in the ass once you are married.

    • Keith says:

      Sorry about your experience dude. Hope it works out like the other happy married international couples out there 🙂

      • kalaivani says:

        Annyong haseyo…..Hai sir….im from malaysia….I really eager to learn korean language. …

        now I can understand all the basic words…..

    • Dan says:

      Be much slower to generalize, Andrew. I am an old Peace Corps Korea volunteer (for the curious among you, Peace Corps was in Korea from 1966 – 1981. Yes, I’m old – I already said that :P) married for nearly 40 years to an old Peace Corps Korea language teacher. My mother-in-law was a college professor who not only was very accepting, but she wrote my name into the 호적, a very gracious gesture that I didn’t fully understand at the time. Lest you think this is not a traditional family, this is the 민 family – something else I didn’t fully understand at the time, but sure as shooting do now that I’m one of the oldest men in my generation. We have lived in the US for most of our marriage, but will retire to Korea shortly, at least in part because I love and enjoy my family in Korea.

  22. jerry4ajus says:

    Your comment…can a korea get married to an africa woman e.g nigeria,gana etc

  23. 57412_51617 says:

    one of typical eastern asian marriage is family union, many of people are nervous even afraid of this phase, because it’s like defining point whenever you’ll marry the princess-looking girlfriend or seong sung hon like boyfriend, here in indonesia especially Chinese descendant are very important to secure the family ‘retirement policy’

  24. MissyBoba says:

    My Fiancee is Korean and we are currently living with his parents. I get up with the family and do the housework, I also cook for them and translate when My fiancee cannot. I’m still learning Korean so I have to learn everything slowly, I’m still learning cultural things such as drinking alcohol, fetching things for family members and speaking in general. I feel it is a lot of work but, I wouldn’t trade it. He is the only boy so it seems his parents will end up living with us. There is still much to learn, but we are waiting on the permission to marry. Hopefully that will happen sometimes soon C:

  25. mike says:

    “But if you’re kind of creepily obsessed with having an Korean name, there’s no law against it.”

    In a culture that generally punishes anyone for thinking different or being different (like JP), it’s OBVIOUS why anyone who marries a Korean would want to ‘blend’ in as much as possible. It doesn’t make them a creep/psycho. Can you imagine if their kids have a western first/last name? They’d be ostracized in school!

    • Monkeyfuzz says:

      Yeah, I think that’s the one line here that I found ignorant, instead of funny. With many foreign women who take their Korean husband’s last name, it’s not because they’re “creepily obsessed” with having a Korean name so much. I think it’s more because of their native culture, and what the formation of a family is to them. So Korean women don’t do that ~ ~ ~ so what? I never even knew anything about Korean before meeting my husband, so I certainly wasn’t going on candy-puff dreams of watching K-dramas, & longing for a Korean name of my own.
      Yeah, I’m possibly taking this too seriously. Point is, Korean-Koreans shouldn’t get it in their head that the reason for taking their husband’s surname is cuz they’re obsessed and want to be just a bit more Korean. 😉

  26. alexandra says:

    Nice post,its funny though but trust me i cant marry and retain my family name

  27. Lina says:

    That first line about GD creeped me out.. how did you read my mind!? Haha

  28. Trisy Maria says:

    I’m thinking of marrying a Korean .. Well somehow this article teaches me a lot about marrying a Korean .. Even after reading it and some of the comments, I’m still going to marry my Korean love ..

  29. Jennifer says:

    Hi!

    Love this post, but you have six twice! So, might wanna make that seven things, not six.

    Anyway, that just goes to show how closely I read it!^^ Love the site, keep up the great work!

    – wgeb

  30. Cate says:

    I LMAO when I read the first line, lol @ marrying GDragon! Very nice and funny post that made my day! Oh I love counting my new year money muahaha!

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