Want to Marry a Korean? Here’s 7 Things You Should Know!
So without him knowing it, you’ve been planning on marrying G-dragon for a whole year now. And in your stalker mind, you’ve even dreamed up your own wedding! Well if it ever becomes a reality, make sure you know what’s expected of you if you’re marrying a Korean! (Weirdo :P)
Note: This is a list of common expectations for when Koreans marry other Koreans. But of course if you’re a non-Korean, you will become a multicultural family, and that means your Korean lover and his/her family will have to adjust to you as well. So not all may apply.
1. You’ll Need Mommy and Daddy’s Permission
“Son, don’t you be marrying no crazies!”
So you’ve been dating that Korean for a while now and you’ve even got the whole Korean style proposal thing done. The girl’s got the ring and the boy’s got the swag. Congratulations! But it aiin’t official yet. Although getting married is about love, in Korea, many people also see marriage as a union of two families. And that means most marriage plans are on hold until the scary moment when both sides of the family meet. The families of the potential bride and groom will get together for an official dinner at a nice restaurant to make sure no one’s getting married to a family of crazies. And even if it’s a real life Korean drama love story full of childhood first kisses, life threatening diseases and sacrificial eye transplants, if the parents say no, then the wedding might not happen. (Of course, people sometimes go ahead and do it anyway. :P)
2. Parents will Pick up the Tab
“Daddy, Can you buy me a wedding?”
Weddings are expensive ordeals in any part of the world, and people everywhere don’t hesitate to spend butt loads of money on that one special day. And of course, weddings can be very expensive in Korea too. But if you’re still at the bottom working your way up to the top manager position at the local McDonalds, don’t worry too much. In Korea, most young people are broke too. That’s why most families will pay for their share of the wedding costs. That means most brides and grooms in Korea will not pay for the wedding themselves, but their families (parents) will. Korean parents see marrying off their children as their very last duty as a parent. Goodbye, so long, fare thee well young child. It’s a crazy butt load of money (see #3), but they’ll get it back. Big time (see #7).
3. Splitting Wedding Costs is Crazy Complicated
Or just avoid by marrying a Samsung heir
Wedding costs are always tricky arrangements for any marriage, and that’s why most families will figure out things amongst themselves (i.e. if one family is richer than the other, they may offer to cover more of the costs). So if you somehow convinced the heir to the Samsung empire to marry you, you’ll most likely get the most bomb wedding ever for basically just being an awesome husband or wife. For the rest of the not-so-lucky 99.999941%, many Korean families will split marriage costs like this:
| Groom Side | Bride Side |
|---|---|
| Wedding Ceremony (50%) | Wedding Ceremony (50%) |
| Honeymoon (50%) | Honeymoon (50%) |
| Apartment/Housing – the home itself (100%) | Furnishings like furniture, appliances, etc. (100%) |
| Yemul (ě돟) – Wedding gift for the bride | Yedan (ěë¨) – Wedding gift for the groom’s family |
Splitting wedding costs can be crazy complicated and that’s why we need the scientific chart above. It’s easy enough to see the wedding ceremony and honeymoon are usually split down the middle. But the groom’s side typically provides the payment for the home/apartment, and the bride’s side usually provides all the furnishings inside the home. Fair and simple enough to follow right?
Ok, now see if you can follow this! The gifts involved might be the cultural part you might not have known about. Yemul (ě돟) comes from an old tradition of giving a bridge wedding gifts of red and blue yarn. Unfortunately for modern day cash-strapped grooms, that usually translates to a matching jewelry set: diamond ring, earring and necklace (or other jewelry). But brides return the favor with yedan (ěë¨), a gift for the groom’s family, typically a cash gift that equals 10% of the housing costs as well as gifts for the family such as nice silverware, bags, jackets, etc.
Of course, none of this is set in stone as it’s different for every marriage (especially true for multi-cultural marriages!). This one you’ll have to talk out with your future Korean spouse/in-laws.
4. You Might Not Get that Cool Korean Name You’ve Always Wanted
Unofficial ones are still gravy tho đ
In many places in the world, it’s common for the bride to take the groom’s family name. Ms. Smith becomes Mrs. Johnson in many places everyday. But if you’ve ever made up a Korean name for yourself because you think they just sound so darn cool, your dream of having an official Korean name might not come true. In Korea, brides keep their family names, even after getting married. That means even if Seonmi Choi marries Kyungsu Park, she will still keep the name her daddy gave her, Choi. But if you’re kind of creepily obsessed with having an Korean name, there’s no law against it. You can still do it at city hall. đ
5. Holidays Might mean Work (for Women)
Follow orders from bossy Korean aunts
Now that you’re married to the love of your life, you’ll probably be spending time with his family on the big national holidays. And the two big ones out of the year, Chuseok (ěśě) and Seollal (ě¤ë ), are typically when families gather with their aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents, the whole shebang with lots of people and lots of food. But in most Korean families, women are in the kitchen all day to prepare the food. If you’re a woman that’s married into a Korean man’s family, don’t worry too much. It’s usually pretty fun to talk with the other ladies of the family while preparing the food. And even if you don’t have any idea how to do anything, there’s usually a bossy aunt in every family that takes over the kitchen like she’s running an army.
Tip: For Koreans, a new female family member not helping out in the kitchen isn’t always the best. So even if you’re all thumbs when it comes to cooking, try to offer your help (if you’re trying to get on their good side!).
6. New Years Mean Less Money
In exchange for hardcore bowing
Just like in many Asian countries, New Years in Korea (Seollal – ě¤ë ) is a time for little kids to receive cash envelopes from their elders to bring to school and compare with everyone how much they got. If you’re Asian, you know how awesome it feels to have envelopes piling up in your back pocket. But for all you non-Asians out there that’s never experienced counting that stash of New Years money in some corner when no one’s looking, sorry to say that you’ll only be counting the money you’re giving out. That’s because if you’re married into a Korean family, that means you’re part of the adult side. And even though you’ve never received money as child, you’ll be expected to give money to your own kids, as well as your nieces and nephews. At least they give you a hardcore New Years bow in return.
7. You Might Have to Live with Parents (Again)
Korean mama food
You thought it was over when you moved out didn’t you? Well remember when your Korean in-laws paid for all your crazy wedding expenses that almost mortgaged the house? Well they’re old and retired now. And for Korean families with more traditional values, many sons and/or daughters will invite their parents to live with them when they reach an elderly age. Although this is a changing trend in Korea, and many Korean families just tend to get the elderly parents their own home/apartment nearby (if they can afford it), if the Korean family that you married into has more traditional values, you might have to live with the in-laws for a while, which is not necessarily a bad thing. You’ll get real Korean mama food and a someone to help take care of the kids, too :).
To learn more about dating and marriage in Korea, check out our ebook:
How to Navigate Korea’s Unique Dating Culture: The Must-Have Guide for Successful Relationships
If you’re going to a Korean wedding, here’s the gifts you should give:
Korean Culture Says Buy These Gifts!
277 Comments
I love Korea people through watching their movies,I believe they display their culture through their movies. I really want to learn Korea language but I need a sponsor to help me get to Korea and register in their language school and I also wish to marry a Korea man
Any one that wants to contact me via my comment should reach me on [email protected]
Sorry but I have to disagree with the above article as this seems to stereotype a typical Korean wedding between Korean only families. I am married to a Korean (and have seven other friends in mixed marriages with Koreans) and none of the above was relevant to our weddings. Once different cultures are in the mix, this goes right out of the window and it tends to be a lot more relaxed. For example, my wife and I actually paid for the wedding rather than hassling our families, we didn’t need her family’s permission and she has taken my surname.
I wouldn’t let any of this put people off marrying a Korean!
Hi James,
Yes i did put in that disclaimer several times. Different cultures will def make things different
Some of these people need to get their panties untwisted!! Lol
So why did you go to live in Korea? I noticed a lot of Korean-Americans do that.
Hi James, Can you please explain how a Korean Wife can change her previous last name (such as “Lee”) with her husbands last name (such as “Jones”)
@James, you’re a dude, doesn’t take rocket science. Women are to conform more to the man’s culture than the opposite. Foreign women marrying korean men are the ones mostl likely to have the korean wedding. Breathe dude.
P.S. I’m not the same Lisa that asked a question to Keith…
Hi James, since I want to marry a korean as well, i might need your help by asking some questions, if you don’t mind.
wow…..number 1 2 3 5 6 7 are the same in Iran.
i’ve heard that korean lifstyle is near to iranian
this article makes me think twice to marry Korean, unfortunately i’m planning to marry korean american
the part of yedan, worry me, because i dont have parents who can support this tradition, even to handle the wedding cost, i have to work that out by myself.
and that also because i dont like other to take the burden as this is going to be my wedding, so i like to take the resposibility along with my future husband.
dont get me wrong, i am more than willing to give father n mother inlaw anything they want, if i can afford ones. but reality didnt go as i wish đ
If you are marrying korean-american, I don’t think your parents in law actually want you to buy something expensive to them. Recently even in Korea, Yedan and Yemul is considered beyond the reality and to cause a little problem between two families, so some koreans reduce quantities of them in minimum, keeping exchanging gifts as a part of wedding tradition(my brother and his wife did so). Further, I think koreans living in America(his parents) know they live not in Korea and should forget what they want in some parts for their kid’s wedding. You might need to see them with your future husband and tell them properly about your situation and your thought. Talking is better than assumption to solve a problem.
Regret because of Yedan Yemul? This is your man we’re talking about. Don’t regret marrying your love because of man-made rules. I find them cool and annoying at the same time. LOL! The family may be pissed off but you can still play the “foreigner” card, they would be a lot harsher on a korean not wanting to pay for those gifts. LOL! Congratulations if you’re already married and good luck if you’re not yet đ
@KEITH you might consider getting rid of troll comments, such as “John”‘s. I smell jealousy. You don’t have to take this.
Haha, this made me laugh and cringe at the same time. I am Croatian, my fiance is Korean, and already things are complicated enough.. all we need is THIS.. Hmmmm . These traditions sound like outdated Croatian wedding traditions. Some are cute, some just outright cray-cray.
As for your overview of them, it was quite informative. I shall accept it as a hypothesis, test it next year, and hopefully live to write and post about it myself. đ
You can check out the end-result here:
https://www.facebook.com/KimchiSarmaDelight
or here:
http://hanakokanovic.wordpress.com/
Kindest regards,
NaNa
Generally I do not read article on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up very compelled me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, quite great post.
I think this article is a great heads-up, and intro to some things non-Koreans might want to know in heading in to marriage with a Korean.
LOL @ Marrying G-Dragon, How did you know?! I enjoy reading your articles…. very informative.
hy..i like korean people..
they are cute and beautiful..
but its my desire to gett marry with korean girl…
but if there is any intrested girle who want can contect me..
facebook id:[email protected]
Its funny
I found this article randomly and its tickling much
still me prefer local men that Korean
its all about tribe, different yet complicated
but its quite same hahaha
nice article đ
guys lets be friend, I am looking for a friend from different / same country that’s doesn’t matter its my email
[email protected]
sorry for this fraud comment, thank you
Its funny
I found this article randomly and its tickling much
still me prefer local men that Korean
its all about tribe, different yet complicated
but its quite same with mine hardcore bowing, is it really happened ? hahaha
nice article đ
guys lets be friend, I am looking for a friend from different / same country that’s doesn’t matter its my email
[email protected]
sorry for this fraud comment, thank you
well, i like the information, some of them are the same as what we have her in Dubai. is it ok for korean men to marry a girl from the gulf? like an Arabian girl from Dubai ?.. and do they care about the religion ? đ
hey zainab, i dont know how old this comment is but i am interested by what you wrote. There’s nothing wrong with a korean man to marry any kind of girl. We are all humans. If you find a man, korean or whatever, who accepts your religion, you dont have to worry. There are all kinds of people.
hmmm… i would rly luv to get married to a nice korean man. As a nigerian,we av 2 similar cultures wit dat of korean culture. u can reach me on dis email if interestd in me [email protected]
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Ever thought about writing the “masculinity” of Korean men in Korea?
Correction: total lack there of. Part of it has to do with our upbringing being too smothering and controlling. The whole damn country prefers metrosexuality over classic manliness like Daniel Craig. Little K pop kids from ages 16-24 dressed like clowns with is their idea of a real man.
it’s very similar to here in Egypt, it’s about 80% similar and the remaining 20% is the pure Korean culture
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If whoes have realy one love please…but loly….honesty girl…
nice information . korean culture almost like malaysian wedding culture.malaysian bride also didn’t have to change thier name đ
I want to marry Taeyang. Does anybody know how I can make that happen? I don’t know how to meet him.
Gumap seubnida(is it right?) Keith
Annyong haseyo
I’m from Solo, Central Java, Indonesia.
Well, more and less …seems the Asian countries have similarity for several sides. Especially about parents and the big family. I think merry for Asian is not only unite the two persons crazy in love but also unite both side of the big family. So If I plan to merry someone not only for Korean, my future husband and I have and need to combine it with good communication between us.
Good luck everybody, have a nice day.
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Well, let’s all go marry a Korean now!